How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Fourteen

 

  

Picture: PawełMM

 

You know the British Army has hundreds of cap badges with glorious histories of smiting the nation's enemies,but you thought a tribute regiment would look transformational with the cap badge of the Selous Scouts.

 

Arrested Development

 

 

Picture: L. (Phot.) Unaisi Luke,Crown Copyright

 

A dozen years ago this blog proposed an improved version of the Queen Elizabeth class aircraft carriers (the first of which had just been laid down) with a longer hull,an Electro Magnetic Aircraft Launch System,Advanced Arresting Gear and a single island,well aft.

 

 

Picture: Original image by L. (Phot.) Kyle Heller,Crown Copyright,modifications by Rama

 

Now,a dozen years later,the French government is planning to build a Porte Avions de Nouvelle Génération (new generation aircraft carrier) which has a longer hull than the Queen Elizabeth class,an Electro Magnetic Aircraft Launch System,Advanced Arresting Gear and a single island,well aft.

 

 

Picture: Chris McAndrew

 

French officials do not appear to be as ignorant as their British counterparts.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Thirteen

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Rheinmetall BAE Systems Land photograph

 

You know the Rheinmetall Rh-120 L/55 120mm gun is obsolescent,but you thought sidegrading Challenger 2 Main Battle Tanks with it would be transformational.

 

Happy Christmas!

 

 

Picture: Lieutenant Ernest Brooks,Ministry of Information First World War Official Collection photograph,© IWM Q 1630

 

Happy Christmas!

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Twelve

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,unknown copyright

 

You think you are inclusive,but you fly a flag intentionally designed to exclude people,because of who they are.

 

The Transformational Suicide Boat Swarm

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Iran Front Page photograph

 

Guns.

 

 

Picture: Ali Abbaspour,Fars News photograph

 

Torpedoes.

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Iran Daily photograph

 

Mines.

 

 

Picture: Mohammad Sadegh Heydari

 

Cruise missiles.

 

 

Picture: Mohammad Hossein Velayati

 

Ballistic missiles.

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Admiralty Official Collection photograph,© IWM A 30555

 

To a transformationalist,none of these threats is as game changing as a swarm of slow moving suicide boats.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Eleven

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Crown Copyright

 

You think a unit is weak if it is not diverse,but you do not think you are racist.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Ten

  

 

Picture: L.A. (Phot.) Rhys O'Leary,Crown Copyright

 

You saw the American way of war fail in Korea and Vietnam,but you thought it might work in Afghanistan and Iraq.

 

The Transformational Bofors 57 Mark 3 Naval Gun System

 

 

Picture: Lieutenant C.H.Parnall,Royal Navy official photographer,Admiralty Official Collection photograph,© IWM A 13044

 

These guns were designed to shoot down aircraft moving at speeds of hundreds of nautical miles per hour and,with a modern radar and Shrapnel shells,they could still provide effective point defence against hypersonic missiles.

 

 

Picture: Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Andrew Langholf,United States' Navy photograph

 

Yet,some think it would be transformational to use a small calibre gun,firing expensive guided projectiles,to engage swarms of small boats moving at speeds of tens of nautical miles per hour.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Nine

 

 

Picture: L. (Phot.) Dan Rosenbaum,Crown Copyright

  

You saw your men out ranged by PKMs and SVDs for twenty years in Afghanistan,but you thought giving them short ranged carbines,instead of rifles,would be transformational.

  

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Eight

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Estonian Defence Forces photograph

 

You know that infantry operate on foot in confined spaces such as buildings,alleys,trenches,mountains and forests,or move around the battlefield in manned vehicles,but you think you could provide them with transformational "last mile" logistical support with an Unmanned Ground Vehicle,which at nearly seven feet wide cannot operate in confined spaces,or fit inside vehicles,and being capable of only twelve miles per hour cannot keep up with manned vehicles.

 

You Know You Are Getting Old

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Admiralty Official Collection photograph,© IWM A 31062

 

You know you are getting old when the ratings start to look younger.

 

The Transformational ArmaLite Rifle

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Fleet Photographic Unit photograph,© IWM FKD 2032

 

The United Kindom's armed forces began using Eugene Stoner's AR-15 rifle sixty years ago,not long after it had been purchased by it's first customer the Federation of Malaya,and before it was adopted by the forces of the United States of America as the M16 rifle,in the decades since then the rifle and it's shorter cousin the M4 carbine have developed a reputation for inadequate reliability,inadequate lethality and inadequate range,despite numerous upgrades.

  

 

Picture: L. (Phot.) Joe Cater,Crown Copyright

 

For decades the United States' Army has been trying to replace it's ArmaLite rifles,most recently under the Next Generation Squad Weapon Program,the United States Special Operations Command adopted the Fabrique Nationale Special Operation Forces Combat Assault Rifle,the United States' Joint Special Operations Command adopted the Heckler & Koch HK416 and the United States' Marine Corps has already begun to replace it's M16s and M4s with the Heckler & Koch M27 Infantry Automatic Rifle (like the British L85A3,the FN SCAR,HK416 and M27 all use a short stroke piston to cycle the action rather than the AR-15's direct impingement system),but while it would cost little to design a modern rifle for the British armed forces some think it would be transformational to adopt a sixty year old weapon with a reputation for inadequate reliability,lethality and range instead.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Seven

  

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Number Nine Army Film and Photo Section,Army Film and Photographic Unit,© IWM IND 4550

 

You think there is strength in diversity,but you want to create a new regiment,just for Sikhs.

 

The Transformational Killer Robot

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,International Automated Systems photograph

 

As we pointed out over a decade ago,"armed forces have a habit of making the simple and cheap expensive and complicated",the four wheel drive variant of the Ox vehicle proposed herein,which shall be similar in size to some motorised quadcycles,shall be able to transport a driver and a medical attendant in addition to three recumbent casualties,seven if towing it's standard trailer (other potential payloads shall include ten infantrymen in patrol order or a,battalion level,Four Inch Mortar with it's crew and ammunition),at speeds of up to fifty miles per hour and is likely to cost as much as similar civilian vehicles,around fifteen thousand pounds sterling per unit.

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,unknown copyright

 

Two Milrem THeMIS (sic) and three HORIBA MIRA VIKING Unmanned Ground Vehicles were recently purchased by the Defence Science and Technology Laboratory for five million pounds,for which several hundred Oxen and trailers could have been purchased,each THeMIS vehicle carries just two recumbent casualties at one quarter the speed of the Ox and shall take four times as long to get them to life saving medical assistance and require fourteen vehicles to match the casualty evacuation rate of just one Ox and trailer,thereby exposing British soldiers to the risk of a slow and painful death at the hands of their own,transformational,killer robots.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Six

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,Milrem Robotics photograph

 

You think that robots are the solution,but you have yet to identify the problem.

 

The Transformational 3D Printer

 

  

Picture: Unknown photographer,Goodwin Steel Castings' photograph

 

Casting,extruding,forging,machining,riveting,sintering,spinning,stamping,welding,engineers consider hundreds of manufacturing processes before selecting the most cost effective option,but some think everything should be made using 3D printers,because they are transformational.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Five

 

  

Picture: Simon

You think there should be more black faces in the Guards,but not in the Gurkhas.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Four

 

 

Picture: John Trumbull

 

You heard the people had voted to leave the European Union,but you thought they wanted to join the rebel colonies.

 

The Transformational Screwdriver

 

 

Picture: L. (Phot.) Kyle Heller

 

To a traditionalist the purpose of a screwdriver is to insert a screw,but to the transformationalist the purpose of a screw is to justify procurement of the very latest in screwdriver fashion.

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Three

 

 

Picture: Lieutenant E.G.Malindine,War Office official photographer,© IWM N 495

 

You had heard of the British Army Commandos' glorious victories over National Socialists,but you decided to name a tribute regiment after colonial units with a history of murdering,scalping and even eating "people of colour".

  

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part Two

  

  

Picture: Master Sergeant Christopher Dewitt,United States' Air Force photograph

  

You spent twenty years training others to do your fighting for you,only to suffer a humiliating defeat when they deserted you,but now you have decided to create a brigade to train others to do your fighting for you.

 

Carrier Strike Group 21: Diamonds Are Forever

 

 

Picture: E Mosqueira

 

Diamonds are forever and so is the history we make,those who fail to learn from history shall be doomed to repeat it,those who do not wish to repeat it should remember to visit old friends.

 

Carrier Strike Group 21: Admiralty Sailing Directions

 

 

Picture: Helena Cinto

 

Sailing directions,for homeward bound Jack Tars (and Leathernecks).

 

Carrier Strike Group 21: Loose Lips Sink Ships

 

 

Picture: Lieutenant S.J.Beadell,Royal Navy official photographer,© IWM A 6334

 

Loose lips sink ships,but has this been explained to sailors on Her Majesty's Ship Queen Elizabeth who leaked a recording of the recent aircraft accident?

 

Carrier Strike Group 21: The Captain's Dilemma

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,musician Ferre Grignard,unknown copyright

 

Shocking reports that Royal Navy sailors consume alcohol have recently become international news headlines,herein we consider the dilemma facing commanding officers who have to curb such behavior.

 

Carrier Strike Group 21: The Point Of No Return

 

 

Picture: P.O. (Phot.) Jay Allen,Crown Copyright

 

Rumour has it that the pilot of an aircraft from Her Majesty's Ship Queen Elizabeth recently got wet after passing the point of no return before noticing a problem,but he might have had a better chance of staying dry had he been using the full length of the flight deck.

 

Carrier Strike Group 21: Celebrating Diversity

 

 

Picture: P.O. (Phot.) Jay Allen,Crown Copyright

  

The latest rumour,which has not yet been officially denied,is that the recent crash of a Lightning II aircraft from Her Majesty's Ship Queen Elizabeth was caused by a rain cover which the pilot and aircraft maintainers had neglected to remove during pre-flight checks as they were too busy celebrating diversity (a term used to legitimise discrimination).

 

Carrier Strike Group 21: Happy Thanksgiving!

 

 

Picture: Unknown photographer,unknown copyright

 

Thanksgiving (should that be two words?),the colonial holiday the Royal Navy can celebrate without committing treason!

 

How To Tell If You Are A British General: Part One

 

 

Picture: Major Geoffrey Keating,Number One Army Film and Photo Section,Army Film and Photographic Unit,© IWM E 21341

 

You remember when people used to copy you,but now you copy them.